Check Yourself Before You Wreck Yourself: Sun Opposite Saturn

You are shining bright, chest puffed up with your you-ness and some grand ideal, a vision, a clear sense of purpose emanating from your solar plexus like a golden sun, and you're all, "Look at me!" until... you run smack into Saturn, cold and dry and harsh, one raised eyebrow, challenging you. "Are you for real? Are you sincere? Is this all for show? Is this dream you're pedalling worthy? Is it lasting? What are you really playing at?"

These are Sun-Saturn dynamics. This inner polarity is as stark a contrast as it gets. You may notice that you are feeling distant from yourself, rigid in your sense of identity, grappling with insecurity and self-criticism, burdened by self-doubt and self-loathing, mired in shame.

Picture the parts of your Self at play here:

The eternal child inside of you, yet unharmed by conditioning or culture: the one with upturned face, eyes twinkling, arms outstretched, wide-open and receptive to the next moment, expecting nothing but warmth, care, affirmation, adoration, love by virtue of simply being here, now, alive. "Aren't I the most darling, precious, brilliant, dazzling thing you've ever laid eyes on?"

Standing opposite your inner little prince/ss is your inner old crone, the wise one who has been around the block a few times and is twisted-by-fate, gnarled-by-gnarly-happenstance, grizzled and grumpy and gruff from the strain of survival, from staving off the shitstorms come to kill you, just an impenetrable wall of NO with arms crossed over tender heartspace, eyes narrow and sharp.

"You better check yourself before you wreck yourself, you little baby monster."

What do these parts of you need to be able to move closer to one another?

What does your inner enthusiastic, incorrigible child need?

What does your inner wisened, wary parent need?

What might You, as witnessing Self, offer to these two polarized parts of yourself, to help bridge the distance between them? To ease the tension and frustration, to soften the black-and-white thinking, to loosen the hold of compulsive behaviors they each engage in so that they can be seen and heard?