Trauma Is A Process
WHAT IS TRAUMA?
Contrary to popular belief, trauma is not an event. It's not some rare occurrence that only happens under the most shocking, horrifying experience imaginable. It's not the violent act. It's not the natural disaster. It's not the abuse.
Trauma is a process. It's what happens inside of us, in response to an event or experience that is too much, too soon, too fast; or, not enough to sustain us (not enough safety, support and love). Trauma is the physiological experience in our own body-mind system in response to any actual, or perceived, threat that overwhelms our ability to feel, hold, process and move through whatever’s happening.
If our system's natural survival response to an overwhelming experience isn't discharged soon after by presence, witnessing, support, and release... if we don't have the support to come back to a sense of safety... then, all of this unprocessed survival energy... whatever is incomplete, unfinished/undone/unsaid/unfelt gets stuck inside of us.... the pain and intensity stays. The nervous system becomes dysregulated - like a glitchy security system that keeps sounding the alarm, even when the danger is over.
We might feel really revved up or totally shut down, or ping-pong between the two... We aren't able to come back into balance, to neutral, to a state of rest and ease and connection, to our own clear, calm center... and this affects every single system in our bodies (immune, endocrine, cardiovascular, respiratory - ALL of them)... so, it profoundly affects our health... and it affects ALL aspects of our lives... our self-concept, our relational patterns, our beliefs about the world - ALL of these become distorted. And, we may not even realize that we're living life through the lens of unresolved experiences from our past, in a state of chronic nervous system dysregulation. But, we're coping day-to-day with the pain and stress and dis-ease in all sorts of ways: maybe by avoiding the people, places and things that trigger us... by staying busy, numbing, distracting, using media and substances to shift our mood, to get to sleep at night... truly, the ways we cope with this terrible unease inside of us is endless... and that whole entire process - THAT'S what we're talking about when we say "trauma."
If you have a nervous system (and you do), you've experienced something in your life that has overwhelmed your ability to cope. Whether or not you become traumatized has a lot to do with the answer to these questions:
Did you have the internal and external resources and supports to process and discharge that stress?
Was there external safety enough afterward for you to locate safety inside of yourself?
Did your nervous system come back to baseline?
If so, it’s likely you were able to move through and past that experience intact. If not, it’s likely that your system became stuck there, and you’ve experienced the continuing disequilibrium of trauma.
WHAT SORTS OF THINGS MAY RESULT IN TRAUMA?
Literally anything that overwhelms one’s ability to cope may result in trauma.
The obvious things we all think of: the shock traumas like war, disaster, gun violence, rape, life-threatening accidents. The collective, macro-level traumas like colonization, genocide, pandemic, climate change; but, also... anything and everything we couldn't prevent, process and recover from as children (and even further back, in the case of intergenerational trauma). And, being gaslit about these things - told they didn't happen and we shouldn't feel how we feel - can be traumatic, as well.
Being bullied in school as a child may create trauma.
Being hungry and never really knowing when your next meal will be may create trauma.
Not being comforted, protected, or hearing "I love you" may create trauma.
Being black, a person of color, a queer person, trans person, a woman, being an immigrant, living with disabilities, working 8, 10, 12 hours a day and still not being able to pay your rent, living in a country that is founded on violence within systems that perpetrate violence (in overt and subtle ways) every single day may be experienced as trauma.
It’s important to keep in mind that some people go through distressing experiences and are living with the echoes of those experiences in their bodies, minds and lives, but they don't label it as “trauma.” Maybe that word just doesn't sit right with them. Others may believe whatever they experienced was normal in the context of their lives, so they don’t identify it as “trauma.” Still others may not remember the distressing experiences and events at all. It's actually quite common for traumatic experiences to be suppressed (especially when the trauma happens in the first few years of life), because the part of the brain that stores memory - the hippocampus - isn't developed yet. Not to mention, when we're in a state of extreme overwhelm, cortisol (the stress hormone) floods throughout our system, and it has that can impact our ability to store memories. That's why traumatic memories can feel fuzzy and fragmented.
So, not labeling experiences we've had as "trauma" doesn't change the fact that the body-mind system is experiencing it.
And, not being able to recall an event doesn't change the fact that the body-mind system is experiencing it.
Call it whatever feels right to you: a wound, a ghost mechanism, a reverberation, an echo from the past, a charge stuck somewhere inside the body/mind. That's trauma. And, trauma is not rare. Trauma is common. Trauma is the standard. Trauma is a result of being alive in this world at this time.
HOW DO YOU KNOW YOU'VE EXPERIENCE TRAUMA?
Well, if what happened to you, or what's happening inside of you feels like unsafety, like an absence of calm, connection and care, like unmet needs that you can't figure out a way to meet, like living in survival mode, like a bunch of behaviors you do habitually even though part of you wants to stop... you may be experiencing trauma.
HOW DOES TRAUMA SHOW UP IN THE MIND, BODY & LIFE?
Trauma manifests in deep and complex ways that are entirely individualized. It can shape our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors in ways we may not recognize. Here’s an unexhaustive list of adaptive strategies for trauma:
In the Mind
Intrusive Thoughts & Flashbacks – Replaying traumatic events, nightmares, or sudden vivid memories.
Emotional Dysregulation – Feeling overwhelmed, anxious, racing thoughts, panic attacks, depressed, low-energy, numb.
Cognitive Distortions – Negative self-beliefs (“I’m not worthy,” “I’m not enough,” “I’m a horrible person”) and shame.
Dissociation – Feeling disconnected from reality, zoning out, distorted perception, or having memory gaps.
Hypervigilance – Always being on edge, scanning for danger, or feeling easily startled.
In the Body
Chronic Stress Response – The nervous system remains in fight/flight/freeze mode
Physical Symptoms – Headaches, digestive issues, muscle tension, chronic pain, fatigue
Sleep Disturbances – Insomnia, nightmares, never feeling rested and restored.
Immune System Issues – Frequent illness due to prolonged stress weakening the body, “mysterious” illnesses
Substance Use or Self-Harm – Coping through drinking alcohol, drugs, or harming the body.
In Life
Relationship Struggles – Difficulty with trust, fear of abandonment, repeating relational patterns from childhood.
Work & Productivity Issues – Trouble focusing, burnout, lack of motivation, or overworking to cope.
Avoidance Patterns – Avoiding places, people, or situations that trigger memories or would cause distress.
Compulsive Behaviors – Coping by performing ritualistic behaviors, binge-eating, restricting food, scrolling on devices.
Feeling Stuck – Inability to move forward, feeling trapped in cycles of fear, self-doubt, self-loathing and powerlessness.
Suicidality – wanting to die, thinking of dying, planning to die, actively trying to end our own life.
Maybe you are familiar with some of these. Maybe your own body/mind system has found some of these creative solutions to cope with the unsettled feelings inside, to try to help protect you, try to keep you safe, try to help you feel better.
Pause…
If any of these ways of thinking, feeling and being are familiar to you, I invite you to take a moment to consider how amazing your system is to try to push on and push through and survive at all costs. To have found ways for you to continue on. I invite you to realize how perfectly reasonable it is - however you've learned to cope. I invite you to consider how resourceful and resilient you are.
CAN WE HEAL FROM TRAUMA?
Yes. Emphatically, yes.
But/and/also, it’s important to remember what “healing” actually is. Healing from trauma is the non-linear process of reclaiming safety, connection, and wholeness. It’s not about erasing the past, but about integrating it in a way that no longer controls your present. Healing isn’t about returning to who you were before. Wounds leave scars, after all. So, healing from trauma is really about becoming someone who can bear those scars and carry on.
Just as trauma is entirely individualized, so too is healing. Recovering from trauma is a personal, dynamic, often spiraling journey that involves working with our whole selves - mind/body/emotions/spirit - to release stored pain, build capacity, foster resilience, and regain a sense of safety.
Understanding trauma in the context of biology, culture and conditioning is the first step.
What now?
Stay tuned for more posts about trauma healing in the coming weeks. Until then… keep taking good care.
