Limits As The Way: Part III

I am visualizing the boundaries of my life and to my left, I see the dark forest where things unnamed but known lurk in shadows, and I stand petrified, frozen in terror, even though I don’t dwell in this place anymore and the twisted ones rarely approach. I know that when the sun rises tomorrow, I will see that the forest is clear and those shadows are memories. I breathe and speak peace to myself because I have practice staring down fear. I know this forest. I have lived here a long time.

The nightmares and flashbacks, the haunting and being haunted, a limit. A boundary. A frontier. Mine to explore. Mine to learn and relate to and know very well.

Isn’t it something to notice the sun appear over the horizon no matter how dark the darkest night or how fearsome the shadows? I notice the first light because I’m waiting for it to come. I am patient. I say, “this, too, shall pass,” and it does. I know to watch and wait and breathe and settle my spirit because my landscape has always housed monsters, many of my own making, and I’ve survived them all.

…

This is our little secret

(intentionally blank)

…

Thoughts From The Ceiling

I consider
all she did
to deserve this

…

Go Back To Sleep

I dreamed of demons
and the pastor gave me
a scripture
I dreamed of demons
and the doctor gave me
amitriptyline
I dreamed of demons
and no one ever asked me
what the demons look like
my teacher
my uncle
my best friend's dad
my boss
you motherfuckers
the demons look like you.